DIRT MCGIRT

hahaha. hudson mohawke is tight though.

but a child coconut,

these stickers make me laugh. a little.

whenever i think about the happenings behind them i feel like a bad seed, but i always end up defending myself because i know i’m not. i was buying groceries and gifts around christmas of 2009 at Target and decided to stop by Henry’s to buy dried mangoes or something. i was lugging the Target bags toward the marketplace when two greenpeace workers stopped me. this big short haired lady with really little glasses pulled me aside and asked if i loved nature and wanted to save the environment. i was already face to face with her and didn’t feel like i should just walk away, so i said yes. she kept talking and eventually got onto the donation part. i was fine with donating, i would’ve given her 10 dollars or so in order to move on. she hands me this looong script of a donation form that asked for my name, address, credit card information and it also asked me to rub my card onto the form.

that had me tripping. like, i have to rub my credit card onto this form? should i hand over my license and snip her a lock of my hair also? other than that, the donation section was a monthly thing. it gave me the option of donating 20 - 100 dollars. haha. i told her i don’t carry my credit card with me during the holiday season and asked if i could get back to her on that one. of course that’s a lie. might be one of the biggest lies ever because i do not carry cash and of course all those Target groceries were purchased from the credit card in my pocket. but she said okay, i’ll just give you a call for your card information and asked me for a good time to call, and didn’t harass me any further. idk what i said, but at that moment i was going back to everything that i wrote and i switched it allll up. my name turned into oliva nguyener. my address was off by a few letters and numbers and my phone number also. even my signature was different; i used my mom’s. hahaha. i told her good day and that i’d talk to her later.

obviously the call never went through and she never got my card number. well, a week later i went back to the marketplace and lurked around before i went in just to see if the greenpeace people were around or not. they weren’t! so i was pretty happy and sped on into the market. once i walked out with my groceries i heard a “yoohoo! you with the long hair! sweetie!” …. it was the greenpeace lady. !!! i raced to the damn car and left. i didn’t return to that lot for a good 2 months. but they’re gone now. i think.


/

recently i was in the parking lot of an italian ice shack down Harbor with a friend. we were just in the car eating our desserts and this middle aged woman approached me with cables in her hand. she asked me if i could jump her car for her because her shit died. there was this little wall that she jumped over from the lot that she was in. i looked at her for awhile and looked at my friend. awkwardly replied with a “sure..” because i had in mind that i also just bought a brand new car battery. when she jumped back over the wall; i looked at my friend and said “should i just book it?” she nodded and we just drove off. it was pretty funny. okay it was hilarious at that very moment. but when i u-turned back, literally a few seconds later, someone was already jumping her car for her. and she was looking over at the lot where we were parked at. i felt terrible. but. shit. whatever. it’s not like nobody else was in the lot. there were tons of people. idk, i shouldn’t have done that, but i did. sue me.

hey.

an O.